Starting Point

Who I Am - a single mother, a licensed massage therapist, a live-in personal attendant, a musician, a thinker, someone who feels passionately - joy and sorrow, a wandering spirit

Some Things I love - sunrises, rolling hills, crashing waves, tranquility, poetry, passion, being completely overwhelmed in life and in love, being present, feeling, smiling, dancing with Him, singing with Her, snuggling, hot baths, massage, pink lip gloss, pearl earrings, flower dresses, avocados, boiled blue crab and shrimp, pistachios, sushi, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, globes, lighthouses, full moons, elephants, kangaroos, animal charades, circular rainbows, memories, sunsets, starry nights in the hill country

I love that I am creative enough as a single parent to stay at home with my young daughter. After first moving to Austin, Texas in early 2006, I took a full time administrative position at a mortgage company while my one year old daughter was cared for by at-home providers. There were three different caregivers before I was laid off a year after accepting the job. I was completely exhausted and while the income was better than I'd ever received, little remained after paying all the bills. I took a position as an overnight shift clerk at a CVS Pharmacy - something I had been curious about for awhile. I'm glad I tried it, because now I know how much it Sucks! --- Claire was nearly two years old when I took the position at CVS and we were living at a studio garage apartment. I napped while Claire watched television/ movies and colored on the walls of the apartment... I lasted a couple of months before moving on to providing part time childcare at more than one church and assisting a friend with her pet-sitting business.

Scrambling for money is my way of life. No, it's not really what I enjoy, but I prefer it to the option of having someone else raise my child. I love being a mother. I loved being Audrey's mother, very attached until she decided to move in with her father and step-mother when she was twelve (a few years ago)... Audrey wanted to see what money and comfort was all about. I couldn't blame her, and since I've never seen her as my possession, I supported her decision. This decision was made at perhaps my most challenging chapter in life... I had to focus my attention on Claire, who was just a year old at the time, and needed me more than Audrey did. I felt I provided Audrey with a strong foundation for twelve years... but her distance from me, her only mother, in the past few years, has certainly caused me great concern. We are still close and quite loving, but she is connecting with her peers and seems overly distracted from her relationship with me. It is her life, though, and I will always be here for Audrey when she needs me.

My life is important. Claire's life is important. As I keep in mind my individual goals, I support the goals of both of my daughters. I don't have a lot of money to support them, but rather an extraordinary amount of love and time. I find love and time to be more valuable than the things money can buy, and while my goal is to grow my finances, I have no regrets for the lifestyle choices I have made.

I intend this blog to be a way I am moving forward in my life as a woman and as a mother. There will be moments I will dip into the challenges I have survived in the past, but I hope to maintain positive expressions as I share my story.